Firstly, and the most obvious: our journey these past two years has been one hundred percent affected, changed, enhanced, saved and supported by a small army of very talented, very compassionate nurses. Here's one thing I've learned about them: they often know everything. Even when doctors don't sometimes. They will inform, they will educate and they will advocate for you as their patient. They will tell you like it is, they will give you the benefit of the doubt, they will catch things that others would never see, they will hold your hand when you are terrified, they will cry with you and for you. This is the hardest job in the world. That's definitely not to say they are "better" per se than good 'ol doc, but seriously, they are a force to be reckoned with. For us, it was a nurse that spoke up about things that may not have been right during Lillian's birth; it was (two) nurses of Lillian's that came to her funeral. For us, it was a nurse that looked me in my eyes when I was miscarrying our second child and held my hand and told me "I'm going to make sure you're taken care of, I'm not leaving your side", and she didn't. Ever.
That last nurse in the above played an integral part in Declan's arrival this past Tuesday morning. The day that I came back to the hospital after my miscarriage last year, (for my neonatal stress tests), she saw me walk toward the nurses station on the labor & delivery floor, and she said "Leslie!" (Seriously? She remembered me?) She continued "I have been thinking about you so much; and here you are! You're pregnant!!" I smiled and said "I am!" She said "I read your entire blog and was hoping that we'd meet again, just like this." Well, that made me cry. Then she led me to an exam room for my first of many NST's. This nurse's name is Ellen. That day, she made sure she would be scheduled for the delivery of Declan, and told me as much. What comforted me was that she didn't know me as a patient, she knew my backstory, she understood it, and she knew me as person and she treated me that way.
Often when we are in a medical setting, as "civilians" we can become overwhelmed and scared and we can shut down and become difficult to deal with for our medical team(s). This is a huge wall that nurses scale every single day in various ways that I don't think us civilians will ever fully understand. What we can do is try to remember that when we are faced with a medical problem and are seeking help from a medical professional, in this case our all powerful and knowing nurses, the least we can do is try to be a good partner with them in the care of our own personal health. That's really the thing, we are partners with our nurses; so...be very very nice to them, they will make all the difference in the world to your well being.
It was very hard for me to trust anyone after the experience we had with Lillian's birth; but Ellen...she scaled my walls and thank god she did because she made our experience for Declan one of the most wonderful experiences we've ever had. There are just some nurses that are talented enough to just melt down that reserve and to eradicate any walls you have up because they're just that good. Ellen is one of those nurses. Ellen helped to bring our rainbow baby into this world and I will be forever grateful for her. She wasn't even assigned to me for some of the days we were in the hospital but she still checked on me; she got to know Jason better and my mom and she walked/wheeled us down on our day of release. She is amazing and I will always make sure that Declan knows exactly who she is to him; and how important her presence was in bringing him into the world.
Thank you Ellen, you and your fellow nurses at St. Joseph Labor & Delivery are an incredible group of people. Thank you for helping us to bring our Rainbow Baby Declan into the world. Hopefully, we will always make sure to stay in touch with you; we want him to know that we had some outstanding help getting him to us.
Second, not only do I come from a family that has many medical professionals in it, but I have an incredible amount of people in the periphery of my life that are nurses. I frequently hear their tales of their careers; I see their late night posts; I know what holidays I will and will not see some of them because they are working. I see their plight from a very up close perspective, and sometimes I just can't believe they do what they do. Not sometimes, all of the time. I thank every single one of them today. I want them to know that we see you, we know what you go through to keep us healthy and to we know how much time you give up being with your families, so that we can be with ours.
There are no words to fully and truly thank you for what you do every day, but from the bottom of my heart, my husband's heart and my son's heart, thank you...for everything.
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